Birth2Work Guide

20 Questions
to Get in Sync as Parents

A Practical Guide to Start the Conversation

For better or for worse our behavior and instincts as adults are based on what we learned growing up.

Sometimes those experiences allow us to bring forward wisdom and beautiful traditions that make life more fun and meaningful.

And, unfortunately, sometimes it means finding yourself in a heated situation where your family experiences and wisdom is different than that of your significant other.

Because of that difference, you act out in ways you’re not proud of but don’t know how to deal with any other way.

Without some amount of proactive effort on your (the parents’) part to unify your message/values/rules of the home, your children end up bouncing back and forth between the two of you. Your valuable wisdom is lost and family traditions suffer.

Together, you can decide to have a more unified message, agree on your values, and what the rules of your home should be. Use the questions here to start the conversation.

Guide overview

The questions in this guide are meant to start a conversation and, perhaps, some self-directed healing.

They prompt you to each reflect on your childhood experiences, put the pieces together, and perhaps discover why you now react in certain situations in ways that may surprise you both.

The topics were chosen specifically to help you as parents come to consensus on some of the most common issues parents face, from the early years of learning to dealing with discipline and the influence of in-laws, all the way up through the often rebellious teenage years.


Topics and Samples Questions

  1. Relationships
  2. Consistency. Did you feel like your parents were united when it came to discipline and rewards? (One made decisions and the other followed through.) If not, did you play them against each other to get what you wanted?
  3. Safety
  4. Traditions
  5. Involvement
  6. Commitment
  7. Extended Family. Were you close to your grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins growing up? If so, how were they involved in your life?
  8. Grandparents
  9. Discipline
  10. Chores
  11. Emotions/Mental Health
  12. Money
  13. Visitors
  14. Self-Reliance
  15.  Education
  16. Adult Relationships. Did your parents go on dates? Did they make a point of maintaining their relationship, or was everything family time?
  17. Community
  18. Siblings
  19. Cleanliness
  20. Family Dinner. Did your family eat dinner together most nights? If not, was time together to talk and hear about each other’s day something important to the family?
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